You know we were having a party for my mother’s 85th Birthday right? And you know I was in charge of it. Well, it came time to head back to the farm because that is where half of the weekend’s festivities were taking place. I figured if I pulled the kids out of school and we got an early start on Friday, we could be there in time to open the place up (it’s been empty all winter) and have plenty of time left for full time negotiations with the mice as to who really owns the place. Nothing relatives hate more than close encounters with rodents. Period.
The problem was that Chris was not going to be back from working in the city until late on Friday, and he was going to come directly to the farm, so that meant all the kids and animals would have to go with me.
“Hey, it’ll be fine.” I told them. “We can do this.”
I opened up the back of the station wagon on Thursday night.
“We’ll have a dry run.” I said. “So you can see that we can all fit no problem.”
“Mom, the only way we are all going to fit in here is if you run us all over with a steam roller first.” stated Sweetie dryly. “I call the front.”
“No way. We all want the front.”
“Yes, but I get it.”
I cleared my throat.
“It will be a more pleasant ride for all of us if Sweetie gets the front and we all know it. So there will be no more discussion.”
“She always gets the front, Mom. It’s not fair.”
“True. But as a result nobody likes her.”
“I don’t care if you guys don’t like me. I’m 15.”
“And there you have it. Now everybody get in and find a spot around the dog. I will get the cat and put her on The Boy’s lap once he’s in. Band instruments on the floor where your feet would normally go, you know your Grandmother loves it when you play. Luggage will be placed after everyone else is in. Crate of homemade pickles in the front between me and Sweetie. Who’s getting the ducks?”
Little Miss Sunshine and The Boy ran to get the ducks. Something about catching six ducks and shoving them into that airline dog kennel was really appealing to them. I waited. Seemed like an awful lot of quacking. Wonder what’s going on back there…ah, there they come, each carrying an end of the kennel.
“Good work. OK, slide that in the way back.”
With the large kennel of ducks in the back of the car, there was only a bit of room on either side of it for luggage.
“Hope you all packed light.”
“I’m only bringing my flashlight.”
“Well I’ve got a bag of clothes and a bag of books. And there better be room for the books.”
“Sweetie, you don’t need books. It’s a party.”
“Why do you think I need the books? Forget the clothes if you have to. Bring the books.”
“I’ve got what I need.”
“I hope it’s a tooth brush.”
“Try ipod.”
“OK, everybody in. Let’s see how it is.”
“Oh my God it smells awful in here.”
“Never mind and shut the door.”
“His foot is in my face.”
“I can’t help it; her trumpet is where my feet go.”
“Just close the doors, I have to make sure we fit.”
“I can’t take two hours of this, there’s a duck eating my hair.”
“That’s nothing, the cat’s about to eat a duck!”
“I’m starving.”
“Mom the dog’s starting to growl and he’s looking at me funny.”
Just then a car pulled in the driveway.
“DAD!!!!!”
The evacuation was less than 1.2 seconds.
“What are you doing here?”
“I took the day off; I thought you might need some help. Does anybody want to ride with me?”
All I heard was the scuffle of feet, car doors slamming and locking. Then, not a sound. I looked at my husband.
“I guess they all want to ride with you.”
“I’d say so.”
“Guess I get the dog, the cat, the ducks and the pickles.”
“Looks like it.”
“Should we leave tonight?”
“Suits me.”
“Me too.” And off we went. Halfway there, he flagged me down. Not quite so chipper now.
“Want to switch?”
“In your dreams.”
Quack quack.
